It’s August 1, 2020, and it’s 2:18 in the afternoon. I just learned that my sweet grandmother passed away.  I don’t know how to feel. I tell you one thing, there is no sting like that of death. Death is so final. You don’t get to redo anything on the other side of death. As I write this blog, I’m sitting on the floor, in my girl cave. I can spend time with God anywhere in my home, but this is our spot. Our meeting place.

Death has a way of making you pause, or at least it should. Death isn’t new to me. I’ve lost my mom, and then my best friend. However, this time feels oddly different.Perhaps it’s all that is going on in the world right now. So many people have lost loved ones. So much has happened this year. Even as I write, I’m reflecting on my own life. I just launched my blog and YouTube channel. My desire is to serve women through their own pain and hardship. However, I’m struggling with being content in my own life. 

If you don’t know, Jesus is coming back, and soon! I have more to share about this, but even with that understanding I’m struggling to be content. I want to have certain things. Experience specific moments with my husband, and family, but when He calls my name, all that will matter is whether I am ready or not. Today, He convicted me. I haven’t had the right perspective. I’ve been so worried about the prayers He hasn’t answered, yet, all while eternity could be waiting for me after my next breath. 

There is no one wrestling with contentment on the other side of death where eternity awaits us. It’s not that I shouldn’t desire to be a mom, or enjoy my life here on earth, but nothing should take first place in my heart before that of Jesus. His heart should be what matters to mine. His plans are what I should make room for, not my own. 

My grandma was 96, and she lived a full life.  She loved the Lord. She knew her word, but she also knew the Lord for herself. Please, don’t allow your heart, or your pursuits to chase so hard after things, that you don’t chase after the Father. Matthew 6.19-21 reads:

“Do not store up for yourselves (material) treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in and steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart (your wishes, your desires, that on which your life centers), will be also.”

While you may be like me, and perhaps you’re fighting to find contentment in this season, understand that when you meet Him face-to-face, whatever you gained on this side of eternity will remain.  All that will matter is what you did with the life He gave you! Your life can’t be the sum of the things you acquired, never having acquired the actual Savior.

I hope your heart will lean into God’s peace, heavy. I’m praying that you trust His plans for your life. I pray that you let go of frustration, any anger, and worry, and that you allow your heart to wander in the truth of His love and word. This isn’t the time to worry about what you don’t have. Gratitude has a way of suffocating discontentment. Get lost in it, and in Him!