2020 has been unlike anything we could’ve scripted. Many have “canceled” this year altogether. On paper, my year hasn’t been completely terrible. Though, I’ve recently lost my grandmother, I know where her soul has taken its rest. Despite the constant uncertainty, and amid the ever-changing climate, all has been well with me and mine for the most part.

We’re now months away from the end of what has been a traumatic year for many. Personally, I expected so much from this year. Perhaps it’s because the last few years have been extremely challenging. If I’m honest, this year has been one of grief for me, and I know I’m not alone. 

It has felt as though I’m carrying grief from what I HAVEN’T experienced. Does anyone else feel like they’ve been carrying an unusual heaviness? Grief is our response to loss. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one. Or have you lost hope? Is the joy you once had nowhere to be found? 

Imagine feeling grief for a thing you’ve yet to experience. We can feel the weight of grief from losing not just people, but other external things as well. Many have lost jobs, financial stability, and some, their peace of mind. Maybe you’re like me, and you’ve been grieving the unfilled expectations you carried with you into this new decade.

I stated earlier that I expected so much from this year, so much from God really. Surely, I thought that this would be the year that things shifted. That certain prayers would manifest. My expectations at the start of this new year were through the roof.

I’m talking about those “if God don’t do it, it won’t be done” expectations. However, the real root of my issues has been my fight for control. I figured that I could pray to God, ask Him to fulfill my desires, attach my prayers to scripture, and watch it all unfold.

The expectations I’ve had have been based on my life going MY way. I literally attached His word to MY plans. In turn, I fell victim to self-sabotaging beliefs that God wouldn’t answer my prayers because it hasn’t happened in my time, and in the way I envisioned.

This year has been heavy. We’ve had to navigate new ways of living, but don’t you dare think that there isn’t a specific purpose and assignment for what has come of this year. Let me assure you, Matthew 6:33, is the blueprint for our way of life.

This year brought me face-to-face with myself. I’ve had to work on my heart, and my way of thinking. I’ve had to go to war with that part of me that has kept me from experiencing the true reality and goodness of God. The more I’ve sought the Kingdom, the more truth and freedom found me.

If this year has been hard for you, I get it. If you’ve been frustrated and disappointed, trust me I understand. God is so much bigger than our limiting beliefs. Don’t allow your heart and emotions to get stuck in the moment of this year. Eventually, 2020 will end, and a new year will dawn.

What will you say you’ve done with the time you were given THIS year?

Despite what hasn’t happened, what are you doing with what you have? Are you choosing to seek God for what He has made available to you right now? At the point of every honest conversation with God, He has reassured me that He is the lifter of my head (Psalm 3:3). He frees me from trouble, and is close to my broken-heart (Psalm 34:17-18 NIV). 

Fix your heart towards Him. Don’t cancel this year. Don’t let it go to waste. Lets dig deep together. So much is still available to us!